The Stoic Guide to Calm: Why Your High Expectations Are Making You Angry
Seneca was a Roman philosopher and statesman who wanted to calm people down. He was the most famous and popular philosopher of his day and became influential as a member of the Roman Senate. He was the author of more than 20 books on practical advice in all aspects of life.
Born in 1 AD, in 49 AD, he had to take on, against his will, the position of tutor for the future emperor Nero. From very early on, Seneca could tell that Nero was a murderous psychopath. He attempted to withdraw from the position, twice offering his resignation, but twice the emperor refused. Nero embraced Seneca and stated he would rather die than harm his tutor. Seneca had little reason to believe this was true. Nero had a lot of people killed in his underground palace. They were eaten by lions or crocodiles, beaten to death, or disemboweled and left to die. In ancient times, anger was seen as a great problem, and an angry emperor was a catastrophic phenomenon.
At the same time, although they were in the midst of luxury, the Roman rich were seething with fury. He noticed that being rich usually made people angrier and not calmer (i.e., property and wealth foster bad tempers). He thought the expectations of the rich were absurdly high. And, the wealthier you are, the higher expectations you tend to have; and when expectations are dashed, that's when fury breaks out. The rich tend to believe money will insulate them from problems, setbacks, and frustrations
Most of us don't seem able to respond philosophically to anger, although it is a big part of our lives. And since Seneca thought anger was a terrible problem, he wrote a book about it. Although he refused to see anger as an irrational outburst, he did think it was the most hideous and frenzied emotion.
Seneca would disagree with people who say that they can't do anything about their anger. In Seneca's analysis, people get angry because they are too hopeful or their expectations are too high. He believed we should be more pessimistic and less optimistic, so we are not surprised when people violate our expectations. We often get angry because we believe things should go our way and that we should be able to make the world conform to our wishes. But that is an unreasonable expectation that we all have to accept.
Seneca would argue that people who get angry because they are wronged by other people are being too optimistic about their expectations of the world, especially if it happens often. Take road rage, for instance. If you give in to road rage every day, you just haven't accepted that people are gonna cut you off. In reality, these people are just acting in their self-interest and don't care about your feelings on the situation. This leaves a feeling of self-pity and injustice. But if we understand that, often we can't do anything about our frustrations, we would save our energy. Conversely, if we expect things not to go our way, and people will cut us off on the road, when they are nice, we become happy due to the unexpected outcome.
Seneca described his philosophy on anger like a dog tied to the back of a bike. The leash gives the dog some freedom, but not to do whatever it wants. It's better to follow than kick against something you just can't change. Reason tells us what we can change and what we can't. We may not be able to change some events, but we can always change our attitude about those events. Changing our attitude is how Seneca's philosophy helps us stay calm and collected in the face of whatever life throws at us.
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| Luca Giordano, The death of Seneca (1684) |
At the same time, although they were in the midst of luxury, the Roman rich were seething with fury. He noticed that being rich usually made people angrier and not calmer (i.e., property and wealth foster bad tempers). He thought the expectations of the rich were absurdly high. And, the wealthier you are, the higher expectations you tend to have; and when expectations are dashed, that's when fury breaks out. The rich tend to believe money will insulate them from problems, setbacks, and frustrations
Most of us don't seem able to respond philosophically to anger, although it is a big part of our lives. And since Seneca thought anger was a terrible problem, he wrote a book about it. Although he refused to see anger as an irrational outburst, he did think it was the most hideous and frenzied emotion.
Seneca would disagree with people who say that they can't do anything about their anger. In Seneca's analysis, people get angry because they are too hopeful or their expectations are too high. He believed we should be more pessimistic and less optimistic, so we are not surprised when people violate our expectations. We often get angry because we believe things should go our way and that we should be able to make the world conform to our wishes. But that is an unreasonable expectation that we all have to accept.
Seneca would argue that people who get angry because they are wronged by other people are being too optimistic about their expectations of the world, especially if it happens often. Take road rage, for instance. If you give in to road rage every day, you just haven't accepted that people are gonna cut you off. In reality, these people are just acting in their self-interest and don't care about your feelings on the situation. This leaves a feeling of self-pity and injustice. But if we understand that, often we can't do anything about our frustrations, we would save our energy. Conversely, if we expect things not to go our way, and people will cut us off on the road, when they are nice, we become happy due to the unexpected outcome.
Seneca described his philosophy on anger like a dog tied to the back of a bike. The leash gives the dog some freedom, but not to do whatever it wants. It's better to follow than kick against something you just can't change. Reason tells us what we can change and what we can't. We may not be able to change some events, but we can always change our attitude about those events. Changing our attitude is how Seneca's philosophy helps us stay calm and collected in the face of whatever life throws at us.
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